Saturday, December 14, 2013
Comment Please
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Darla
Instead I will tell a story about a boy, and a girl. How they met, became friends, and then really really disliked eachother. This story doesn't have a weird ending where they fall in love or something because this story is actually part of my real life web... the one I haven't actually talked about in like forever. This story dates back to the beginning of this semester back in august... august 11 to be precise. We were doing early move in for a Leadership program that UCF puts on. Now this story is about to be sped through because I am getting tired and to actually tell the whole story I need to bring in other people... that is just not going to happen. I told one of my bestfriends 90% of the story once and this was just talking to each other in person, it took 3 hours of me none stop talking to get all of that out... I am not about to type all of that in one sitting. Not sorry at all :)
Ok give me a min to go back and try to find out if i have already named her in a previous post...
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So as it turns out I haven't given her a name yet... as in this is the hard part making and remembering these peoples names. Funny story I have litterally and honestly forgotten my roommates real name in front of him for the max was an hour... Like I am really bad with names! So this whole fake name this is just not ok. So lets say her name is Darla... might come back and change that because her real name is so bizarre that Darla is just way to common. But whatevs. Darla and I met because I had to meet someone and we both live on the same floor so I was like hey, and then we started getting closer, we met other people, but we still stayed close. Now I am a very social person and so I met friends that I still talk to, her not so much. After the program was up she like dropped all of her other friends and i'm like ok whatevs we can be friends. So we continue on in our path of friendship. We open up with eachother I tell her how I can be a fake ass bitch and she tells me how she doesn't have bestfriends she has good friends because she got hurt to much by a past bestfriend to trust people like that again... Ok blame the world for one persons issues... the world says thx. We meet other people that joined us and we then brought in some of their roommates and we all became a nice big group of friends... Now there are like 15 of us... that is a lot bigger than I thought i was going to have. I like a group of 3 or 4 that is close knit and together always. This big group has so many issues through out that I know it won't last. Darla has issues with me and everyone else in this group. For example I am very overprotective and I know this, but one night UCF had this Target thing where busses came to take everyone to target and there were supposed to be discounts galore at this thing... the biggest discount was 2 dollars off a 18 dollar towel... That is not even slightly ok! But anyways before this thing I lost Darla and her phone was dead... now at this time I recently found out that she was 16 ... which is like practically the same age as my sister so of course I got protective. So right before I called everyone i knew that she knew and everyone said they hadn't seen her then I couldn't find her during the target thing and then after I went to my RA to file a missing person report... guess what a friend found her at target... yes I know over reaction but whatevs it turned out great :) ... for me at least ;) (another story for another time)
Then after that incident a month passed or so and like 4 of us had been going clubbing for like 2 weeks and so we had 2 others that wanted to come with... (briefly telling a small part of everyones stories now). Now the original four is me, Sam, Brad, and Laine. Brad and Laine are boyfriends, and then there is Sam and me. The 2 that wanted to come also were Cody and Victoria, now they were 18 so we were like awesome ... victoria is also friends with Sam from back home so everyone was like heck ya... the problem laid in their other close friend from back home, Marissa, she is 17 and so not allowed to club but they wanted to bring her anyways. Make her dress like a slut to get her in now I was not like not ok with this plan but I wasn't the driver and I wanted to party so I went along... I shouldn't have.
Darla decided to try to get in also since Marissa was trying so she sluttied it up to. Now keep in mind these people are trying to get a 17 year old and a 16 year old into a gay bar in downtown orlando at 10 at night... also keep in mind I took Brad, Laine, and Sam to their first club 2 weeks earlier, I had been over the summer after I turned 18. They were all in way over their heads Cody and Victoria had never been before and to just make all of this better they invited another driver along, Max. Now Max is an awkward person to begin with ... so him in a club... really. But he had fun and he needs to go more often. Now back to the story. The plan was for us all to go there and try to get in ... If Darla and Marissa couldn't get in then Victoria would sit outside with Marissa and Darla and go to Wendy's... and since Victoria was going to do that Cody and Max being the only straight guys were going to go with them because they don't want to be the only ones in a gay club. What actually happened was that when we got there they couldn't get in ( big surprise) but Victoria and Cody and Max still wanted to go in and dance for a minute so everyone agreed they would still come in and dance for a song or two while Marissa and Darla went to Wendy's. ... Well guess who didn't go to wendy's and instead sat outside for 20 min waiting for the three to come out so that they could go home... and guess who never came out. Well what happened was that once inside the club those three started dancing having fun and forgot about the other two.They eventually started texting in this group chat the 15 of us have to try to be all passive aggressive and to get everyones attention... however no one in the club heard the ring and the two outside eventually got up and tried to go to wendy's... however wendy's closed at 10 so they started walking around and eventually ended up in subway... during all of this Darla's phoned dies because of her battery issues and Marissa's phone dies because she hadn't charged it before she left. And they didn't tell anyone where they were so when we finally checked our phones in the club and saw like the notifications of the battery lives of their phones which they decided important enough to text but not their location of course we freaked out. And then tried to find them... Now a little other detail that we had discussed immediately after getting into the club we had another two friends at home still watching tv. they said that they would come pick M and D up if they couldn't get in and everyone else wanted to stay. They were Ada and Dorinda, Ada is the one with the other car in our group. She said that she would come pick them up. They were supposed to be at Wendy's, when she got there and couldn't find them that is when she started freaking and calling everyone... namely me. That is when I finally checked my phone and thus the freak out from in the club began.
Now by the time that I actually told everyone in the club ran outside to try and help find them and got to the car which is where I figured they would go you know a place we all knew. They were found. And I said i was just going to come back with them but guess who all ignored me and just sped home. Now I understand they were mad because they felt like we all should have come outside to check on them outside the club, however everyone thought they were nice and safe inside the wendy's and that is literally directly across the street from the club, surrounding the club there is a subway a wendy's and a gas station. And at all of these places there are cops 2 per place. So believe we thought they were safe. Now I still felt bad for not going outside to check on them later that night and into the next day... but then I remembered where they were supposed to be and I thought Why am I feeling guilty for something I wasn't behind in the first place they were the ones to dis obey what we all agreed was to happen. Now rewind a little, after they were found we all went back into the club and I tried to get back in the groove for like a minute. And then I realized I felt to bad about leaving them out there for me to actually dance. So I was like don't you guys feel like its time to leave and they were like nope so we stayed for like another hour and a half. Then starts a long journey home, and then when we got there I encountered an angry Marissa and Darla. They were pissed and wanted to yell at everyone however Darla had been texting mikes girlfriend who lives outside of the country about what happened and so she had pulled Victoria and Cody aside to talk to them about what happened and I was letting Marissa into my room to get her stuff that she left there and she heard them say to her that they didn't feel sorry about it at all, now I do understand why they feel like that but they gave an awful reason to why and thats what Marissa heard and She felt like they should have been explaining everything to her and Darla not Christina!! And I feel like that is so true! Either Way both girls were pissed Marissa felt like Victoria who was her bestfriend should have come out of the club, and Darla felt like I should have come out of the club because we were the closest to each other at the time.
As the time moved on I at first felt really bad and like I messed up a good friendship, then I realized that I did nothing wrong besides not checking my phone when I was in the club. Honestly, I can forgive myself for that, so I moved on, as the time went by Darla said she moved onto, and yet she started to do these little immature passive aggressive little snaps and comments at me everytime we were in a room together and she then started saying to everyone behind my back that I do nothing but lie to everyone. Of course only one person believed her (Marissa) and then Marissa slowly stopped for the most part and then everyone started to pick up on how b*tchy Darla was because she started to do this stuff to everyone. I ignored and moved on with my life soon after the event I mean we still hung out together in the group setting but I didn't hang out with her in a one on one session until the end of november and even then we were still not friends and keep note this clubbing event took place at the beginning of September.
Now there are some more events between me and Darla and Darla and the rest of the group and even more to this story in this web. But for now I think this post is long enough and So good night world I am signing off :)
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Names
I will be adding to this list as I grow my people in this blog. Now I will prob only be adding the people the popp up a lot in the story.
Brad- dating Laine roomed with Sam
Laine- dating Brad (in fraternity)
Sam- ...close friend?
Cody- pretty boy roomie
Mike- roomie with the girlfriend
Kyle- annoying roomie
Darla- 16 year old annoyance
Victoria- hair dye queen
Ada- hedgehog lover
Marissa- spanish minx
Tess- to nice for words...
Max- awkward mr. nice
Dorinda- roomie with Darla, extreme runner
Christina- Mike's out of country girlfriend
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Crazy sad day
...My grades came out from UCF today and I just don't know how to smile. My grades suck plain and simple. I am tired and exhausted and just plain done with life. Now I know that sounds suicidal and all and to be perfectly honest I have been suicidal for years. But at the same time I'm not, because sure I don't want to get older than 25 and i'm 18 now and I would really like to be done with life. But I can't end my life now and I won't let someone else end it for me. I will live with the pain, hurt, sadness, and despair that has become my life over the past 6 years. I am a survivor, now all of you do not know my complete story... but I am writing this blog and plan to keep up with it over the long time to come to get my complete story out there. From my little thoughts like today about Lorde's new song or about big events in my life like this complete sh*t hole of a day. I don't know how long I will keep this blog, I have tried in the past like I have said in my past posts to write stories from a slight fictionalized version of my life to the far sad extreme and a very fictionalized version of my life to the far happy extreme. I wasn't able to continue those stories for more than a few months total. This ... this is different though. It is not an extreme my posts will range from my real sadness to my real happiness. These posts will have the depth of me, from me speaking right out. No filter.
Now if you knew me in real life you would understand what a big thing this really is because... I have a huge filter, I rarely curse, I do not get outwardly angry with people, and I do not like making people angry. So I bite my tongue and turn my cheek. ... On here though everything will come out. When this is found years down the line, people will probably hate me ... But I. DO. NOT.CARE!!! I mean lets be real what I will say about you is completely true and if I start to range into an exaggeration I will admit it freely on here. I will call it as I see it and that is that.
Today, I found out happy things like I got a new follower on tumblr (up to 9 now!!! ... have only been on for like 3 weeks), I found out about new music (see beyonce and lorde) and I found out that MLK JR and Anne Frank were born in the same year! Like who knew?!! ... But then I knew this was coming but I didn't want it to. My grades came out and they were bad... which means I need to have a practical 4.0 next semester to get my grades back up. I also have to retake a class. Now this also means I can't get a job that I really wanted this year, I had gone through a lot to get hired and now i'm getting fired after 2 weeks because of my official gpa. Now I can't say what job it is because such a select group is picked and when we were picked it was publicized greatly and I don't want everyone knowing who I am just yet ;) so no I won't tell you... actually I probably gave you too many clues already but thats ok. No one is reading this blog yet and by the time people actually do (and more specifically people from UCF and then even smaller people from UCF that would know what i'm talking about and who I am) the record won't be so easy to find.
Now I said this was supposed to be a short post... but when I start talking especially on here I just can't stop because all of these emotions keep wanting to come out and with them they bring stories. So I am going to break what I am going to say next into another post. Just to make my thoughts a little more clear :)
_ _ TTS Later!!!
Friday, December 13, 2013
LORDE - No Better (NEW MUSIC, DECEMBER 2013)
This is Amazing and better than Royals!!!
__TTS Later!!!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Post 3
Now I dont even know what to title these things so that will just have to work. Now I am at ucf's reflection pond typing this on my phone and I just tried to like write my post in my journal. Now I have had a journal for two dedicated years now and all I can think, while I try to mess up a page by marking it, is what is the point. I have tried over the years to start stories in my journals and I just never see the point I mean stories are meant to be shared and and I think of my "journal entries" as stories of my life so why would I not want to share you know.
Now at ucf we have a reflection pond if you want to know more just google ucf spirit splash and this thing will pop up. At night it is so peaceful out. The moon and lights are shining at it, it's just awesome. The spooky part Is that I am out here alone at midnight... like I might be a guy but even guys die!! But I came out here for some reflection time... some time to myself to think of how much I dislike certain people, and how much I like others, and even more confusing how I can like and dislike an even smaller pool of people all at the same time. I have a crush on them and yet I want to kill them. Ugh I want to date but I dont know where to start and the people I can see myself with are either occupied or friends... so ya know. The worst part is im not out to my mom and yet I feel like im out as bi, but I have to watch everything I do and I just dont know how much longer I can take this.
So one dude I like is Sam he is a lot like me, i'm not sure how good of a thing that is... I mean we have the same name and think the same way. Like perfect match on one hand but I really really want to like not have him existing in my world on the other.
Oh!! Yea I get distracted when I am typing these things sorry but I just remembered I was going to tell some of today's story. So I was studying and I was like ok I can message sam so that we can study together. ..that didnt work we ended up going to an RA's program then he left and I was like oh... I then had to do my own program for area council... and then I didnt do like anything for that except clean up of the RA's event like what?!! And so I left studied math and english portfolio for a few hours and then Sam wants to study... so im like ok come over and we can study... do we study nope he ends up talking to aron and autumn about Tom Daley and his hottness and the fact that his boyfriend is literally 20 years older than him... like the age difference is older than he is like he could be Toms father like really!!! But whatevs thats his life but I was getting distracted by that story so I went back to my room to finish studying ... and guess what they all left to do and I quote, "do anything but study for our tests tomorrow". Like thats ok I mean a good bye would have been cool or something.
Then cody wants to come back (roommate) and talk about a girl he met and thats good because he really needs to get a girlfriend like he games too much with nothing else in his life.
I should probably be wrapping this up soon my phone is about to die but the end is coming...maybe I mean I have so much to tell. Like how my group of friends and I did a secret santa and guess who's name I pulled two times out of my hat when we were picking ppl and then messed up... I will give you three guesses... and lets just say it's pretty ironic.
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Ok waited long enough it was Sam! Like what?! And so I spent a whole bunch of time completely not knowing what to get him. I ended up getting him some candy, pj pants and a shirt (that is too big but whatevs). I left it all in his room with a little note attached and it was the 4 lines of call me maybe chorus but altered a little... I will prob post a pic way later in life just because. I got my gift that day from his bestfriend and it was the perfect gift of the exact snack that I love eating!!! Nutella and pepperoni! ...but now I have two bags of pepperoni...after finishing the third bag yesterday, and four jars of nutella... what am I going to do with all this! Well I will be set for a while :)
I think I have been typing on my phone for like 30 min now and this keyboard is driving me up a wall... so I dont know how much more I will be typing... I used to try to blog but my posts were stupid and like a sentence long with no depth... like I had no clue what I was doing... like now but at least now I am typing about me and not random everything.
I also have like 2 stories on wattpad from back when I was trying to write a book... the ideas are still in my head but I just dont think I will be finishing those specific ideas because I was younger back then so my story concept was young, underdeveloped and completely not finishable. So I will prob go back to that one day.
Ugh since I am rambling now I shall sign off now :) I will be back to write some past stories soon, promise!!! But for now...
TTS Later!!!