So as I was saying earlier I wanted to break up what I was saying to make separate trains of thoughts for me. Now I was going to talk about my family... but my family is just such a sensitive subject for me... I just can't right now. Sorry.
Instead I will tell a story about a boy, and a girl. How they met, became friends, and then really really disliked eachother. This story doesn't have a weird ending where they fall in love or something because this story is actually part of my real life web... the one I haven't actually talked about in like forever. This story dates back to the beginning of this semester back in august... august 11 to be precise. We were doing early move in for a Leadership program that UCF puts on. Now this story is about to be sped through because I am getting tired and to actually tell the whole story I need to bring in other people... that is just not going to happen. I told one of my bestfriends 90% of the story once and this was just talking to each other in person, it took 3 hours of me none stop talking to get all of that out... I am not about to type all of that in one sitting. Not sorry at all :)
Ok give me a min to go back and try to find out if i have already named her in a previous post...
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So as it turns out I haven't given her a name yet... as in this is the hard part making and remembering these peoples names. Funny story I have litterally and honestly forgotten my roommates real name in front of him for the max was an hour... Like I am really bad with names! So this whole fake name this is just not ok. So lets say her name is Darla... might come back and change that because her real name is so bizarre that Darla is just way to common. But whatevs. Darla and I met because I had to meet someone and we both live on the same floor so I was like hey, and then we started getting closer, we met other people, but we still stayed close. Now I am a very social person and so I met friends that I still talk to, her not so much. After the program was up she like dropped all of her other friends and i'm like ok whatevs we can be friends. So we continue on in our path of friendship. We open up with eachother I tell her how I can be a fake ass bitch and she tells me how she doesn't have bestfriends she has good friends because she got hurt to much by a past bestfriend to trust people like that again... Ok blame the world for one persons issues... the world says thx. We meet other people that joined us and we then brought in some of their roommates and we all became a nice big group of friends... Now there are like 15 of us... that is a lot bigger than I thought i was going to have. I like a group of 3 or 4 that is close knit and together always. This big group has so many issues through out that I know it won't last. Darla has issues with me and everyone else in this group. For example I am very overprotective and I know this, but one night UCF had this Target thing where busses came to take everyone to target and there were supposed to be discounts galore at this thing... the biggest discount was 2 dollars off a 18 dollar towel... That is not even slightly ok! But anyways before this thing I lost Darla and her phone was dead... now at this time I recently found out that she was 16 ... which is like practically the same age as my sister so of course I got protective. So right before I called everyone i knew that she knew and everyone said they hadn't seen her then I couldn't find her during the target thing and then after I went to my RA to file a missing person report... guess what a friend found her at target... yes I know over reaction but whatevs it turned out great :) ... for me at least ;) (another story for another time)
Then after that incident a month passed or so and like 4 of us had been going clubbing for like 2 weeks and so we had 2 others that wanted to come with... (briefly telling a small part of everyones stories now). Now the original four is me, Sam, Brad, and Laine. Brad and Laine are boyfriends, and then there is Sam and me. The 2 that wanted to come also were Cody and Victoria, now they were 18 so we were like awesome ... victoria is also friends with Sam from back home so everyone was like heck ya... the problem laid in their other close friend from back home, Marissa, she is 17 and so not allowed to club but they wanted to bring her anyways. Make her dress like a slut to get her in now I was not like not ok with this plan but I wasn't the driver and I wanted to party so I went along... I shouldn't have.
Darla decided to try to get in also since Marissa was trying so she sluttied it up to. Now keep in mind these people are trying to get a 17 year old and a 16 year old into a gay bar in downtown orlando at 10 at night... also keep in mind I took Brad, Laine, and Sam to their first club 2 weeks earlier, I had been over the summer after I turned 18. They were all in way over their heads Cody and Victoria had never been before and to just make all of this better they invited another driver along, Max. Now Max is an awkward person to begin with ... so him in a club... really. But he had fun and he needs to go more often. Now back to the story. The plan was for us all to go there and try to get in ... If Darla and Marissa couldn't get in then Victoria would sit outside with Marissa and Darla and go to Wendy's... and since Victoria was going to do that Cody and Max being the only straight guys were going to go with them because they don't want to be the only ones in a gay club. What actually happened was that when we got there they couldn't get in ( big surprise) but Victoria and Cody and Max still wanted to go in and dance for a minute so everyone agreed they would still come in and dance for a song or two while Marissa and Darla went to Wendy's. ... Well guess who didn't go to wendy's and instead sat outside for 20 min waiting for the three to come out so that they could go home... and guess who never came out. Well what happened was that once inside the club those three started dancing having fun and forgot about the other two.They eventually started texting in this group chat the 15 of us have to try to be all passive aggressive and to get everyones attention... however no one in the club heard the ring and the two outside eventually got up and tried to go to wendy's... however wendy's closed at 10 so they started walking around and eventually ended up in subway... during all of this Darla's phoned dies because of her battery issues and Marissa's phone dies because she hadn't charged it before she left. And they didn't tell anyone where they were so when we finally checked our phones in the club and saw like the notifications of the battery lives of their phones which they decided important enough to text but not their location of course we freaked out. And then tried to find them... Now a little other detail that we had discussed immediately after getting into the club we had another two friends at home still watching tv. they said that they would come pick M and D up if they couldn't get in and everyone else wanted to stay. They were Ada and Dorinda, Ada is the one with the other car in our group. She said that she would come pick them up. They were supposed to be at Wendy's, when she got there and couldn't find them that is when she started freaking and calling everyone... namely me. That is when I finally checked my phone and thus the freak out from in the club began.
Now by the time that I actually told everyone in the club ran outside to try and help find them and got to the car which is where I figured they would go you know a place we all knew. They were found. And I said i was just going to come back with them but guess who all ignored me and just sped home. Now I understand they were mad because they felt like we all should have come outside to check on them outside the club, however everyone thought they were nice and safe inside the wendy's and that is literally directly across the street from the club, surrounding the club there is a subway a wendy's and a gas station. And at all of these places there are cops 2 per place. So believe we thought they were safe. Now I still felt bad for not going outside to check on them later that night and into the next day... but then I remembered where they were supposed to be and I thought Why am I feeling guilty for something I wasn't behind in the first place they were the ones to dis obey what we all agreed was to happen. Now rewind a little, after they were found we all went back into the club and I tried to get back in the groove for like a minute. And then I realized I felt to bad about leaving them out there for me to actually dance. So I was like don't you guys feel like its time to leave and they were like nope so we stayed for like another hour and a half. Then starts a long journey home, and then when we got there I encountered an angry Marissa and Darla. They were pissed and wanted to yell at everyone however Darla had been texting mikes girlfriend who lives outside of the country about what happened and so she had pulled Victoria and Cody aside to talk to them about what happened and I was letting Marissa into my room to get her stuff that she left there and she heard them say to her that they didn't feel sorry about it at all, now I do understand why they feel like that but they gave an awful reason to why and thats what Marissa heard and She felt like they should have been explaining everything to her and Darla not Christina!! And I feel like that is so true! Either Way both girls were pissed Marissa felt like Victoria who was her bestfriend should have come out of the club, and Darla felt like I should have come out of the club because we were the closest to each other at the time.
As the time moved on I at first felt really bad and like I messed up a good friendship, then I realized that I did nothing wrong besides not checking my phone when I was in the club. Honestly, I can forgive myself for that, so I moved on, as the time went by Darla said she moved onto, and yet she started to do these little immature passive aggressive little snaps and comments at me everytime we were in a room together and she then started saying to everyone behind my back that I do nothing but lie to everyone. Of course only one person believed her (Marissa) and then Marissa slowly stopped for the most part and then everyone started to pick up on how b*tchy Darla was because she started to do this stuff to everyone. I ignored and moved on with my life soon after the event I mean we still hung out together in the group setting but I didn't hang out with her in a one on one session until the end of november and even then we were still not friends and keep note this clubbing event took place at the beginning of September.
Now there are some more events between me and Darla and Darla and the rest of the group and even more to this story in this web. But for now I think this post is long enough and So good night world I am signing off :)
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TTS Later!!!
Showing posts with label Knight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Knight. Show all posts
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Crazy sad day
So this is going to be a pretty short post. I am just typing to give myself an outlet, to kinda let myself start to heal. I am typing about December 13 2013, yesterday now that its 53 minutes past midnight.
...My grades came out from UCF today and I just don't know how to smile. My grades suck plain and simple. I am tired and exhausted and just plain done with life. Now I know that sounds suicidal and all and to be perfectly honest I have been suicidal for years. But at the same time I'm not, because sure I don't want to get older than 25 and i'm 18 now and I would really like to be done with life. But I can't end my life now and I won't let someone else end it for me. I will live with the pain, hurt, sadness, and despair that has become my life over the past 6 years. I am a survivor, now all of you do not know my complete story... but I am writing this blog and plan to keep up with it over the long time to come to get my complete story out there. From my little thoughts like today about Lorde's new song or about big events in my life like this complete sh*t hole of a day. I don't know how long I will keep this blog, I have tried in the past like I have said in my past posts to write stories from a slight fictionalized version of my life to the far sad extreme and a very fictionalized version of my life to the far happy extreme. I wasn't able to continue those stories for more than a few months total. This ... this is different though. It is not an extreme my posts will range from my real sadness to my real happiness. These posts will have the depth of me, from me speaking right out. No filter.
Now if you knew me in real life you would understand what a big thing this really is because... I have a huge filter, I rarely curse, I do not get outwardly angry with people, and I do not like making people angry. So I bite my tongue and turn my cheek. ... On here though everything will come out. When this is found years down the line, people will probably hate me ... But I. DO. NOT.CARE!!! I mean lets be real what I will say about you is completely true and if I start to range into an exaggeration I will admit it freely on here. I will call it as I see it and that is that.
Today, I found out happy things like I got a new follower on tumblr (up to 9 now!!! ... have only been on for like 3 weeks), I found out about new music (see beyonce and lorde) and I found out that MLK JR and Anne Frank were born in the same year! Like who knew?!! ... But then I knew this was coming but I didn't want it to. My grades came out and they were bad... which means I need to have a practical 4.0 next semester to get my grades back up. I also have to retake a class. Now this also means I can't get a job that I really wanted this year, I had gone through a lot to get hired and now i'm getting fired after 2 weeks because of my official gpa. Now I can't say what job it is because such a select group is picked and when we were picked it was publicized greatly and I don't want everyone knowing who I am just yet ;) so no I won't tell you... actually I probably gave you too many clues already but thats ok. No one is reading this blog yet and by the time people actually do (and more specifically people from UCF and then even smaller people from UCF that would know what i'm talking about and who I am) the record won't be so easy to find.
Now I said this was supposed to be a short post... but when I start talking especially on here I just can't stop because all of these emotions keep wanting to come out and with them they bring stories. So I am going to break what I am going to say next into another post. Just to make my thoughts a little more clear :)
_ _ TTS Later!!!
...My grades came out from UCF today and I just don't know how to smile. My grades suck plain and simple. I am tired and exhausted and just plain done with life. Now I know that sounds suicidal and all and to be perfectly honest I have been suicidal for years. But at the same time I'm not, because sure I don't want to get older than 25 and i'm 18 now and I would really like to be done with life. But I can't end my life now and I won't let someone else end it for me. I will live with the pain, hurt, sadness, and despair that has become my life over the past 6 years. I am a survivor, now all of you do not know my complete story... but I am writing this blog and plan to keep up with it over the long time to come to get my complete story out there. From my little thoughts like today about Lorde's new song or about big events in my life like this complete sh*t hole of a day. I don't know how long I will keep this blog, I have tried in the past like I have said in my past posts to write stories from a slight fictionalized version of my life to the far sad extreme and a very fictionalized version of my life to the far happy extreme. I wasn't able to continue those stories for more than a few months total. This ... this is different though. It is not an extreme my posts will range from my real sadness to my real happiness. These posts will have the depth of me, from me speaking right out. No filter.
Now if you knew me in real life you would understand what a big thing this really is because... I have a huge filter, I rarely curse, I do not get outwardly angry with people, and I do not like making people angry. So I bite my tongue and turn my cheek. ... On here though everything will come out. When this is found years down the line, people will probably hate me ... But I. DO. NOT.CARE!!! I mean lets be real what I will say about you is completely true and if I start to range into an exaggeration I will admit it freely on here. I will call it as I see it and that is that.
Today, I found out happy things like I got a new follower on tumblr (up to 9 now!!! ... have only been on for like 3 weeks), I found out about new music (see beyonce and lorde) and I found out that MLK JR and Anne Frank were born in the same year! Like who knew?!! ... But then I knew this was coming but I didn't want it to. My grades came out and they were bad... which means I need to have a practical 4.0 next semester to get my grades back up. I also have to retake a class. Now this also means I can't get a job that I really wanted this year, I had gone through a lot to get hired and now i'm getting fired after 2 weeks because of my official gpa. Now I can't say what job it is because such a select group is picked and when we were picked it was publicized greatly and I don't want everyone knowing who I am just yet ;) so no I won't tell you... actually I probably gave you too many clues already but thats ok. No one is reading this blog yet and by the time people actually do (and more specifically people from UCF and then even smaller people from UCF that would know what i'm talking about and who I am) the record won't be so easy to find.
Now I said this was supposed to be a short post... but when I start talking especially on here I just can't stop because all of these emotions keep wanting to come out and with them they bring stories. So I am going to break what I am going to say next into another post. Just to make my thoughts a little more clear :)
_ _ TTS Later!!!
Sunday, October 13, 2013
my new life
It all started the day I graduated high school in may of 2013! ...That's when my life took a turn, i didn't know it fully yet but i was growing up and getting so tired. I lived in a town in northeast Florida right outside of the largest city in the nation (land size) and let me tell you there is nothing to do in this small little cluster of towns.
My friends were (and yes I'm changing their names) Ashlee, Nadine, Loren, Mabel, and Rain. Now all of them are white girls that are like from 5'3'' to 5'9'' ... I'm a 6'4'' black dude who if i don't speak or smile then I come off as a little tough dude... and then i speak and smile and people say I'm a big teddy bear... Now i like being a teddy bear... but i have no one to hug and cuddle with me!!
Over the summer before my freshman year in college (#UCF17) i had a job... can't tell you where but lets just say it was a big insurance company and i was working in their IT department. Now my work days ranged from 4 hour days to 12 hour days... so yea some of those days sucked monsterly! What made it worse was the fact that i hadn't yet turned 18 soo you all know what you want to do when you turn 18 ;) ...well i wanted to do none of that...besides go clubbing and guess what day my birthday was on! Go ahead and guess, I'll even give you a hint it is the only day of the week where absolutely no one goes clubbing!!! Yupp you guessed it. ( At least i am assuming so) My birthday was on a Tuesday, a freaking Tuesday!! Now that Monday was a 12 hour day... that Tuesday was a 12 hour day, then i went clubbing that night and got there at 9... left at 1. Guess what i did between 9 and 1... I sat there with my closest friends and we sang karaoke with old drunk dudes. Now i have been leaving a small part of this story out... but before i get there let me answer a question. Yes, I know and knew that Wednesday clubbing is awesome, buuutttt i was going to visit my grandparents the next day in Pcola after a 6 hour work day...6 hour drive i was sooo tired for the rest of that week!
Now ... on wards ... this is the part where you and I really see whether or not we can be friends. Now to some people this is a big deal for others its like ok and. And so I am bi ...now and my friends took me to a gay bar for my first club ever because they didn't want to get hit on my old dudes... and every time i tried to go to a straight club they were like no... because all of my guy friends either didn't club or...were nine months younger than me. So do you feel the struggle. Now this has been my introduction to my life... a little info about me to just start the mood you know :). This is coming to an end tho so let me just go ahead and say that i will be blogging about my life... all true stories and feelings ...and even more importantly true people. But i am not going to be "editing" these posts a lot so get over it! and i am also bad at story telling as in book telling i am not going to go to the beginning of my story and telling you it from there... sorry but no. I will however be telling you all of those old stories as the come to me but i will also be mixing them with new ones that happen now. I will date everything in a chronological order... won't be the exact dates everything happened because lets be for real here i can't remember all of that but when i can i might include a date so that all you readers out there can think of where you were then :) but i will probs just include a post number and update all of those as the stories come :) I'm new to this blog so we will see how things go :) (and yes people i have blogged before but this one is ...closer to me than ever before so i will be having fun and i hope you all do too :) )
TTS Later!!!
My friends were (and yes I'm changing their names) Ashlee, Nadine, Loren, Mabel, and Rain. Now all of them are white girls that are like from 5'3'' to 5'9'' ... I'm a 6'4'' black dude who if i don't speak or smile then I come off as a little tough dude... and then i speak and smile and people say I'm a big teddy bear... Now i like being a teddy bear... but i have no one to hug and cuddle with me!!
Over the summer before my freshman year in college (#UCF17) i had a job... can't tell you where but lets just say it was a big insurance company and i was working in their IT department. Now my work days ranged from 4 hour days to 12 hour days... so yea some of those days sucked monsterly! What made it worse was the fact that i hadn't yet turned 18 soo you all know what you want to do when you turn 18 ;) ...well i wanted to do none of that...besides go clubbing and guess what day my birthday was on! Go ahead and guess, I'll even give you a hint it is the only day of the week where absolutely no one goes clubbing!!! Yupp you guessed it. ( At least i am assuming so) My birthday was on a Tuesday, a freaking Tuesday!! Now that Monday was a 12 hour day... that Tuesday was a 12 hour day, then i went clubbing that night and got there at 9... left at 1. Guess what i did between 9 and 1... I sat there with my closest friends and we sang karaoke with old drunk dudes. Now i have been leaving a small part of this story out... but before i get there let me answer a question. Yes, I know and knew that Wednesday clubbing is awesome, buuutttt i was going to visit my grandparents the next day in Pcola after a 6 hour work day...6 hour drive i was sooo tired for the rest of that week!
Now ... on wards ... this is the part where you and I really see whether or not we can be friends. Now to some people this is a big deal for others its like ok and. And so I am bi ...now and my friends took me to a gay bar for my first club ever because they didn't want to get hit on my old dudes... and every time i tried to go to a straight club they were like no... because all of my guy friends either didn't club or...were nine months younger than me. So do you feel the struggle. Now this has been my introduction to my life... a little info about me to just start the mood you know :). This is coming to an end tho so let me just go ahead and say that i will be blogging about my life... all true stories and feelings ...and even more importantly true people. But i am not going to be "editing" these posts a lot so get over it! and i am also bad at story telling as in book telling i am not going to go to the beginning of my story and telling you it from there... sorry but no. I will however be telling you all of those old stories as the come to me but i will also be mixing them with new ones that happen now. I will date everything in a chronological order... won't be the exact dates everything happened because lets be for real here i can't remember all of that but when i can i might include a date so that all you readers out there can think of where you were then :) but i will probs just include a post number and update all of those as the stories come :) I'm new to this blog so we will see how things go :) (and yes people i have blogged before but this one is ...closer to me than ever before so i will be having fun and i hope you all do too :) )
TTS Later!!!
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